With Laura's permission, I am featuring her draft of paper #2. While any paper can be improved, Laura's paper is a strong example of a rhetorical analysis of HONY. If you follow the link, you can make suggestions, and I have made some notes about things I think this draft does particularly well and some suggestions I made (these were all discussed in conference with Laura).The draft's strengths: Laura makes insightful points about the text in well-formed, fluid prose. Pay attention to her fourth paragraph and her use of determiner pronouns ("this, each") and transitional phrases ("furthermore, similarly, in contrast") to connect her thoughts. The points she makes in each paragraph are clearly stated and supported with appropriate examples from the text, although she could perhaps go into more detail at times, and they need citations. The draft could be improved by indicating the audience more specifically, especially in the thesis statement, and by making sure the topic sentences of each paragraph refer to the thesis in some way. In conference we noted that often the explanatory sentences at the end of each paragraph do this, and might make strong topic sentences.
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